| Wherein I solve the world's problems. |
[Jul. 9th, 2009|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
I can fix college football tomorrow. Yep, tomorrow. Now you may be thinking that I'm going to say we should have a playoff. You would be wrong. The solution is a little bit more radical. We need to go back. Way back.
Thusly,
Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman fire up the Way-Back machine and take us back to a time when the college football landscape made sense. A time before 1992 and the creation of the wretched Bowl Coalition. One might think that that were enough, but, lo, our time machine must continue. We must go back to before 1976 when the Sugar Bowl tied itself to the SEC. We must return prior to 1968 when the Orange Bowl shackled itself to the the Big 8. We must press on to heady 1946, a time before when the PCC and Big 9 hitched their wagons in perpetuity to the Rose Bowl. We can stop here since the SWC is dead anyway.
Returning to the present, we carry with us the memory of a time before conference tie-ins destroyed college football. The rot that set in in 1947 festered for quite some time. The presence of many independents masked the unsound structure. As we lost Penn State, Florida State, Miami, and many others from the ranks of the independents, the ramshackle nature of what had been built revealed itself. Throwing good money after bad, we attempted to press on, which has ultimately brought us the BCS.
So, tomorrow, we end abolish the BCS. In its stead, there are only two rules which apply to any and all bowls such as may arise.
1. Collusion between or among bowls is forbidden.
2. Conference tie-ins are forbidden.
The Rose Bowl crowd may howl, but I would point out that the Rose Bowl could invite its Big 10/Pac 10 friends every year. They may have to pay through the nose to get them and lock them up, but them's the breaks. Ah, the disruptive force of the pre-1991 Fiesta bowl loosed writ large! Two simple rules are all it take to get us the best possible system. Money talks. And national title games make money. Every bowl will want one. One will pay enough to get it. It's like Thunderdome. |
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| In which I return to the style of ljs of old |
[Jan. 18th, 2009|08:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Jenn's | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | CCR - Down on the corner (thanks heinz field public address) | ] |
For those of you who don't know, I had to move for this semester since Jarrod graduated and got a job in NOLA (congrats, incidentally). So I removed Emily's back seat and set about moving my life 3.5 miles in a compact SUV. Went pretty well, I'd say. The best part was probably an iteration of the trip I affectionately call "two couches, one jeep." I had pictures, but dropping the phone into a puddle apparently killed my microsd card (perhaps there is hope of salvage, but I hold out little hope). Suffice it to say, I had both halves of the big white sectional up on the roof at the same time. It looked pretty strange. At least that's what the looks I got from the patron of the Schlitz and Giggles tell me. Otherwise it was a fairly uneventful move. I didn't even manage to injure myself (which was a distinct possibility, considering the new place up in Spanish Town is on the second floor. I must be losing my touch. But enough about me being a hobo.
In a reprise of the good (bad?) old days, I actually have auto repair tales of interest. Last week, I finally got around to giving Emily a long overdue oil change. Despite my previous diatribes against the swill that is 10w30, this is now my oil spec. How did AMC do that when VW could not? AMC will never cease to surprise me. After draining the oil out of my 2.5 liters of four-cylindered fury, I come to realize that the new oil filter wrench that I procured is, to put it mildly, a piece of poo. A strap-type swivel wrench, it was neither the size shown on the package nor did it manage to swivel very well. The wrench from Susan, of course is very much too small. I then evaluate possible courses of action.
1: just fill it back up with oil and change the filter next time. This would have been the choice had I not been pushing 8-9k miles since the last oil change (you may now flog me with a wet noodle).
2: fill it back up with oil, drive to get new wrench, wait for engine to cool, change filter, wasting much oil in the process.
3: walk over to auto parts store and get a new wrench, change the filter, refill with oil.
Guess which door this fool chooses. Ok, there's a CarQuest on 14th and Government. That's not that far (ha!) I can do that. I set off. I get to 14th and Govt., and, lo, said Carquest is closed (the day, of course, being Sunday). This is where any sane person would have called off the quest. But, as anyone who has known me for some time already knows, I am hardly sane when it comes to auto repair. Curse my luck, I remember that i also saw an AutoZone in the phone book that was on 45th and Florida. Whet the hell, I've already come all this way, so I press on. The streets I walk become ever more ghettotatstic (what words!); I forge ahead. 40th and Florida, I see an O'Reilly. Salvation. Of course, when I go in, the oil aisle has about an inch of water in it (no foolin'). No matter. The wrench acquired, I head for home, pausing only to have my (paint-covered) shorts heckled by some punkass hanging out at the Greyhound station. Wow, dude, you're cool. Mission thus accomplished, I complete the oil change, having missed only 2.5 quarters of football. Only I could manage to screw up an oil change in this fashion.
When I return from NOLA, I'll post something more about my latest adventures in gimcrackery, as I need picture to do them justice. |
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| How is this not already on the internet? |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|08:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  procrastinatory | ] |
With all due apologies to EMF and the year 1991, here goes...
...Minnesota with the ball...fourth and one...crucial first down...Wilson hands off to Herschel Walker...Stuffed! by Rickey Jackson at the line...the Saints defense does it again...
Who Dat say they gonna beat dem Saints?
Who Dat tellin' those lies?
Our Saints are what it's all about:
Coach Mora, Morten, and the guys.
Don't say the Saints ain't tough enough;
Who Dats know the rules.
Niners and Falcons realize
They're all fools!
The Saints rule!
The Who Dats, they say:
Black and gold go all the way.
The Who Dats, they say:
Saints! You're unbelievable. (Oh!)
...Time running out in the fourth quarter--it comes down to this, Saints fans...fourth and goal, Hebert back to pass...he sees Turner...Touchdown! Unbelievable!...
Go Saints, go all the way--
That's what we're here to say.
Bobby and Ironhead lead the team
When the Saints come out to play.
Rock'n'roll,
hey we got soul;
Who dats in the Dome Patrol.
From Kenner to the Quarter,
We'll boogie with Benson;
We're going to the Super Bowl.
The Who Dats, they say:
Black and gold go all the way.
The Who Dats, they say:
Saints! You're unbelievable. (Oh!)
...The Saints have the ball early in the second quarter, second and goal...Hebert back, hands off to Heyward, around the end, Touchdown! Saints!...
Who Dat say they gonna beat dem Saints?
Who Dat tellin' those lies?
Our Saints are what it's all about:
Coach Mora, Morten, and the guys.
Don't say the Saints ain't tough enough;
Who Dats know the rules.
Niners and Falcons realize
They're all fools!
The Saints rule!
The Who Dats, they say:
Black and gold go all the way.
The Who Dats, they say:
Cha Ching! You're unbelievable. |
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| LA RS 32:194 |
[Oct. 14th, 2008|04:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irate | ] |
§194. Traffic laws apply to persons riding bicycles
Every person riding a bicycle upon a highway of this state shall be granted all of the rights and shall be subject to all the duties applicable to the driver of a vehicle by this Chapter, except as to special regulations in this Part and except as to those provisions of this Chapter which by their very nature can have no application.
Acts 1962, No. 310, §1.
Yes, driver of that school bus, lady in the white sedan, dude in the white sedan, and U-haul driver who all have violated my rights today, I am allowed on the road on my bicycle. You can't pass me more closely than 2 feet, mr. school bus (6 inches does not count). You can't honk at me for traveling in the rightmost practicable portion of the lane, drivers of white sedans (see LA RS 32:197). And you most certainly should not speed up to pull along side me, slow down to my speed, scream out of your window "Get off the road," and then speed off, U-haul dude. Why can't we all just get along? Especially since I have the right to occupy as much of the travel lane as I deem necessary for my safety. |
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| my contribution to saving the free world |
[Oct. 6th, 2008|12:43 pm] |
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I've decided how I am going to fix these United States. Since I have no political power, I am going to do the only thing I know how to do--manipulate words (go, go gadget B.A. in English Literature. I will hence forth return to the original usage of referring to these United States in the plural. The United States are (See, it's starting already) on the wrong course. Maybe this will remind people in the FEDERAL (We don't have a national government, or for that matter a nation. We have a federation. That whole "are and of right ought to be free and independent states" thing.) government how a Federal system should work, i.e a government of defined limited powers. The Tenth Amendment is not a truism! It's one of the most important that these United States have. Let's stop ignoring it. Join me in the pluralization of these United States! |
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| In which I expound upon things |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|11:12 pm] |
So I had to get cash in preparation for the hurricane, and what should the ATM give me but...
Yes, one of each sort of twenty. Interestingly enough, the oldest one, on the bottom, shows the opposite side of the white house from the two newer ones. The old one shows the side with the round porch, while the newer ones show the side with the square porch. Intriguing. Nearly as intriguing as the fact that Andrew Jackson, the original the-central-bank-is-out-to-get-us yahoo (a group I tend to sympathize with) ended up getting his picture on the instrument Americans use most often in their interactions with the Fed. The irony is so delicious that I want to make a cake out of it. Mmm.
( wherein I reveal oft frowned upon political sensibilites )
( The part where I demonstrate that I am a libertarian yahoo )
And I have fenders on my bike. Yay! |
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| wir haben ein Kätzchenfestival |
[Aug. 7th, 2008|10:31 am] |
I finally got my card reader out of the box it's been hiding in, so here it is:
That's right--a feed store in the middle of suburbia with a marquee having a kitten fest. Awesome.
Speaking of kittens, here's the lady friend's new kittens (unfortunately not acquired at said kitten fest) playing a wonderful game called which direction is up:
They have actual names, but the gray one, I have decided that he is "knucklehead," and the spotted one, she is "kitten." My names are better.
Incidentally, I'm almost moved in to the Baton Rouge place for my second exile (which is why I found the card reader, which is why I have this abnormally picture laden post).
( A cut so I don't take over your entire friends page... ) |
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| if only I had that camera |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|07:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
Saturday is apparently "kitten fest" at Jefferson Feed. It says so right on the marquee. What a pet and garden store is doing with a marquee, I do not know. But, the fact remains that Saturday is kitten fest. So celebrate kittens.
I saw said incongruous marquee driving back from the sporting goods store, wherein I had purchased some sporting goods. To be specific, I bought a cheap football. I bought this football because my nice football decided that no would be a good time to stop holding air. The genius plan: remove bladder from cheap football and place in good football. The plan was simple. However, football surgery is exactly as much of a pain as I remember it being the last time I disassembled a football. My pry bar, er, flathead screwdriver and I prevailed, so nice football is as good as new. So yesterday was a good day.
Tuesday was also a good day. I bought new pants. Also, I reconfirmed that kid whose mom I made cry has to go to summer school. Not that that makes me happy, but at least now I am sure my number are right. Matt got kicked off of Hell's Kitchen. And, oh yeah, I got to heckle John McCain. He had a rally out in Kenner. He gave some bullspit speech about how he is changier than Barack. I harangued him about Cuba when he talked about opening markets for U.S. goods. When he started gladhanding at the end, I regaled him with my Ron Paul chant. Upon nearing the exit, I left him with Murray Rothbard as a parting shot, letting "The State is a band of thieves writ large" ring through the Pontchartrain Center. It was a hoot. One guy called me an idiot and said "You had to say it" after the first "Ron Paul." I responded in the affirmative. One other individual said I was at the wrong rally. I heard little else because, why yes, I am louder than a room full of McCain supporters. Whee!
And, since it's been a while since I regaled the masses with tales of auto repair, a few weeks ago I changed my fixed vent windows (the little triangly ones) for operable ones. I now have an anachronism on my car. As I remained uninjured, I count it as a success. |
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| And so it begins |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|11:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
Once again, I can regale everyone with tales of auto repair. And soon they can be illustrated! My whacking big, fifteen dollar, hopelessly obsolete digital camera (which, unfortunately cannot take pictures of itself owing to lack of mirrors) arrived this evening. Unfortunately, it was not soon enough to capture Emily's first escapade down the bizarre road that is being worked upon by me.
So, today, I installed new headlights because of a cracked sealed beam unit. Now, the light from those is pretty anemic, so I didn't just install any headlights. I installed +1 headlights of European Awesomeness. After a first drive with them, I have to say that they are nothing short of amazing. Even with my gimcrack aiming methods, they work very well. And, they have an upper cutoff so I don't blind anyone.
It was distressingly easy. I'm shocked to think that I might actually be getting good at this. AS success goes up, humor goes down. We're a long way from 5 gallon buckets of gas on the pedalcar headed to to lot 59 here. Not that I miss the taste of gasoline (even though boring a hole in the parking lot with my fuel leak was fun). Remember, friends--"do not siphon by mouth" just means "if you siphon this by mouth, you will have a foul, foul taste in it for about 6 hours." I think the best part of that sequence is hard to determine. Maybe it was having the 5 gallon paint bucket of gasoline on my porch for several months. Or the driving out until you run out of street to buy a new gas tank for the car. Or carrying the 5 gallon bucket a mile and a half, stashing it in the bushes at a bus stop, walking to the hut to get the pedalcar, and pedaling the bucket out to lot 59 to siphon the gas back over to the car. Or doing all of this to have the car fail in some completely unrelated way once the fuel gremlins were exorcised. Egads, that car was awful. I could do with this one being somewhat more robust. |
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| April (reprise) |
[Apr. 1st, 2008|05:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 2005 Pass-In Review | ] |
In honor of Confederate History Month, I (re)present for your entertainment the following letters that appeared in the April 5, 6, and 9, 2007 editions of The State Press. Civility is dead. Kind of like Beatle Paul. (I do so love this little series of letters.)
Actual letters from actual people (At least I think I'm not a replicant.)
( Wipe brains off your face if you must )
And greetings to the newest lovely lady to enter my life:
I think her name is Emily, but I'm not sure (she's still shy). |
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| rfc and being a blatant homer |
[Jan. 23rd, 2008|10:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mmm, corn flakes | ] |
So in addition to applying to law school, I am considering pursuing a masters degree in library science and becoming a research librarian. The chair will now entertain any comments. Note: said chair not actually guaranteed to be entertaining.
Last night convinced me that New Orleans is best experienced on a foggy night by the light of a gibbous moon. The lighting is just right for the fog to convey the distinct air of unreality the place has always seemed to have. Sepia that photograph now. Fatalism in the inevitable city on the impossible location. Yum. Damn the place is like the mob, you just can't get out.
Only flaw in going to library school is that I have to go to Baton Rouge. Oh well--Arizona my Egypt, Baton Rouge my Babylon. And I'm not even Jewish.
On a lighter note, it's really cool when the fog makes the medium tension lines start arcing. |
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| Happy Robert E. Lee Day! |
[Jan. 18th, 2008|03:53 pm] |
Tomorrow. I guess it's MLKJR day this weekend too. So happy that as well. Incidentally, I wrote about politics on facebook (I feel a little dirty).
After going to the post office the other day (and receiving 11 dollar coins of various vintage), I got to wondering about why the government keeps shooting themselves in the foot with this dollar coin thing. I know they are the government and they are retarded (no offense meant to the mentally challenged), but seriously choose paper or coins and be done with it. A currency divided against itself cannot stand (kind of like a George). Not that this whole fiat currency thing is going to work out anyway.
Anyway, back to the point. I really like the Susan B. Anthony. Especially the reverse (the obverse is nothing to write home about). I think the bird landing on the moon looks pretty sweet. Even if it did look better in large scale backing up Eisenhower.
Only 2.5 more months until Confederate history month! |
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| you may have already seen me on espn 8 |
[Dec. 22nd, 2007|01:22 am] |
But, seriously, it was ESPN2. I just got back from working "bench security" at the New Orleans Bowl (Reason 483,655 I love NOLA, the immense power of the hookup). "Bench Security" actually referring to "stand around on the field and watch the game while Superdome security does all the work, and, every once in a while, tell someone to keep out of the team box [especially when the backup punter is about to punt in your face, dipshit])." So it was really just good times down on the field at the Superdome. If you caught the game, I was standing next to the kicking practice net on the Memphis side. You probably saw me, I swear.
Christmas shopping is almost complete. I still have a couple more days, so it seems about equivalent to every other year of Christmas shopping. Official multi-holiday cards have yet to be mailed to my woefully short list, so those will probably be late. So few people will get them, I'm not sure it really matters. See, you only get one if I know your real address. They're funny, I swear. Act now to get on next year's list!
Catch you on the ocho. |
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| I'll cut you, white bread |
[Dec. 12th, 2007|08:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  partying like a rock star | ] |
Why oh why is it considered bad form to tell someone that their child is a no talent ass clown.
But on to crap that I actually still care about. Much hard living is on tap for the weekend. Plains have been laid forth, and the probability of drunkenness is high. Exams next week, so lucidity is not an option.
Susan needs new headlights. One rusty reflector and one broken adjuster are not cutting it. I'm tired of my car casting shadows in the lights of the car behind me. Maybe I'll get those cool looking round lights. Four headlights would be cool. I could finally have the high beam power to blind the SUV drivers back. Still no headliner in the car, but seatbelts are back (I may have already said that).
Christmas break got extended with our leftover hurricane days. Fsck yeah (the unix, it gets to you). |
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| The black hand |
[Nov. 30th, 2007|05:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
not just the terrorist organization that killed Franz Ferdinand anymore!
Yay! More auto repair. Operation coolant flange part zwei went off with relatively few hitches that evening. Several observations from time just spent under the hood: mosquitoes really, really like ethylene glycol and there is a surprising, I daresay shocking, amount of coolant above the middle of the cylinder head. I mean wow. I escaped with no burns (pretty good for fiddling with coolant after driving home from that hellish place of employment). Hopefully, coolant system integrity is restored (or will be once I drain out all the hose water).
More car news (because it makes me happy): Susan is back to the full complement of five seatbelts. Downside: reminder that I need to find a pick-a-part. Cost of seatbelt uppermount/height adjuster (used) $75 from mail order company. Initial cost at east valley auto salvage for 2 seatbelts, 2 adjusters, 2 buckles, 4 pieces of interior trim for the conversion to pillar mounted seatbelts: about $35. One of these was a good value. The other was not. Where are you self-serve junkyard in the New Orleans area?
Death toll: minor cuts on fingers. Hands encrusted with 18 years of accumulated engine detritus (that won't wear off until about the middle of next week)
Mood enhancement: high |
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| Alas |
[Nov. 28th, 2007|09:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
Keeping to my abysmal update schedule of once per month, just thought I'd let everyone know that I still pretty much suck at life. At least there's no rule against gross incompetence over at the high school. I'm going to go with career choice=poor. off to law school. Maybe I won't miss all the application deadlines this time.
Well, enough being emo. I'm almost worse at that than I am at being a hardass. On to more exciting topics--like auto repair! Before thanksgiving, Susan's headliner was falling down, so I took it out. The death toll: 1 bloody finger, 1 broken seatbelt. Still waiting on replacement seatbelt height adjuster. Now, though, it's even more like I drive a racecar. Loud exhaust leak, unusable passenger seat, bare metal roof--I'm almost there :).
Thanksgiving was good. I liked it. Free food and all that. The lady friend's family even had apple pie when I met them on Saturday. So this year, at least, I didn;t feel as bad about the loss of the traditional thanksgiving apple pie. Regrettably, after gradma died, it was replaced by the pumpkin interloper. I suppose I could bring my own, but then all the magic is gone.
Other news--I'm now enjoying being one of the bearded set. Truly it's mystery is exceeded only by its power. I do, however, since I just cut my hair, have the intense urge to strive to look like a hippie again. Maybe after April when I am assured of contract non-renewal.
Something there is that knows remembers believes...(there, no you can enjoy Faulkner with me [incidentally, i showed the y=x^2 theory of literature to the AP kids, and they actually got it, so my time in ecofeminism class was not wasted--maybe I'll post it sometime]) |
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| when will they ever learn? |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|11:21 am] |
I just heard on television that the University of Miami will be vacating the Orange Bowl after this season, and I'm very disappointed. Moving the site of your football games further away from campus and into a pro stadium no less is never a good idea. I have this theory, and I have research (no its not about David Hasselhoff). This idea is destined for epic fail.
Example #1: Tulane University. Left: Tulane Stadium, on campus. Moved to: Louisiana Superdome, 4.2 miles away. Epic Fail: Tulane a team on the rise in the 1970s, have now been relevant one year (1998) since the fateful 1976. Went undefeated, still played to crowds of 30,000.
Example #2: University of Minnesota. Left: Something on campus (help me, Erik). Moved to: Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome, 2 miles away, across the river. Epic fail: poor attendance, currently building new on campus stadium.
....
University of Miami. Left: Miami Orange bowl 7 miles away. Moving to Dolphin stadium, 22 miles away. Epic Fail: ? (I fail to see how this can possibly be a good idea).
Further suggestions welcome.
The case, it hath been rested. |
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| zounds, man! |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|04:08 pm] |
CDN$ 1 = US$ 1.0004
Truly the apocalypse is at hand.
Gold standard looking pretty good right about now.
Eat my shorts FDR, you arrogant bastard. |
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| yes, like a bat |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|04:18 pm] |
From the ASU Farce Side Comedy HourNot safe for work in the slightest
I think I am entirely too nice to do my job effectively. If I hated kids, it would be easy. But I can't even manage to hate U of A for more than a basketball game or so at a time. Done in by my own mellow--the irony is excruciating (about as excruciating as trying to explain irony to a ninth grader).
Everybody remember that your sentences need verbs! :) |
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